BREAKING: Scientists in Houston discover 13-year old Dominican boy w/ 36-year old son

[StephenCurry30]

HOUSTON (AP) -- Researchers in Houston today announced a shocking discovery that has upended the scientific world. They say they have collected conclusive evidence that 13-year old Rafael Devers is the biological father of 36-year old Justin Verlander.

 

"This discovery upends everything we know about not only human biology but also the linear nature of time," said Solo Johnson, one of the researchers on the team that announced the discovery. "But the data we have collected allows for no other conclusion."

 

Researchers say they first became suspicious of Verlander's true paternity in October 2018 when Devers "totally dad dicked" Verlander in the ALCS. But their sample size at the time was too small to pass scientific muster.

 

Now they report further testing has confirmed their prior findings.

 

"After observing the young third baseman again assert his fatherly dominance at Verlander's own park, we can now say with 100 percent scientific certainty that Rafael Devers is Justin Verlander's biological father."

 

Although earlier findings drew skeptics from across the scientific community, the researchers' latest findings have produced wide-spread consensus.

 

"At first I said, 'Are you kidding me?'" recounted Stat Masterson, chair of the Bridgepiece Studies Department at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "But now it's a beautiful thing. I'm telling ya."

Scientists from around the world report that they expect another opportunity to observe the unusual father-son duo in their natural habitat this fall.

 

 

[Slasher9]

Hahahahaha.

[vegasbob]

Very well played and produced. Rafi owns him.

[Jasonbay44]

I don't even know what to say about this.

[Bellhorn04]

It's a good joke, but being picky, I would have gone with his real age of 22.

[Beaneater]

It's a good joke, but being picky, I would have gone with his real age of 22.

 

No, the "13-year old Dominican boy" is the best part about this!