If I was his agent and the Sox came to me with that deal (sans the comical additions), my advice would be. "Thanks but no thanks. We can do better."
Besides ungodly sums of money, most players want years of control. Giving him multiple opportunities to get those years as he ages and they become less likely isn't the most appealing compromise.
Some crazy GM will absolutely meet the 5 year $100mill guesstimate. Might even be Theo Epstein. If you think about it, that might be the perfect match. Team needs a closer. They have plenty of room left before the luxury tax. And they have already locked up several of their young star players. (They would love to lock up Kris Bryant, but that is not going to happen on Boras' watch.)
And they will very likely be jettisoning another young talented player in Addison Russell this off-season, which might even bring back some cost-control.
The Cardinals, Nationals, Angels, Phillies and Astros are also all potential landing spots for Kimbrel. He isn't taking some cheap deal to stay in Boston. Not with the attention he will be getting...