5GoldGlovesOF,75

He should get in just for his impact on body parts essential to ballplayers... like, what other big leaguer in history has had an underwear company named for him?

Wait -- in the batting order? Don't you know, the Red Sox analists have metrics that show you should always bat your worst hitter second. I think the smallest metric length is called quectometer (10 to the negative 30 power). All winter long posters like us were worried about Boston's quectometer.

ANY Red Sox player in the system who has ANY success with a bat vs. a pitch is a sign of hope in the year of our lore, 2026.

When Early first came up and limited damage with control and a repertoire (that didn't include a 100 mph fastball), I thought of Tom Glavine. But when I heard OB say that same on NESN, I reneged. Glavine actually made the majors when he was 21 and didn't become a consistent star until he was 25. Early just turned 24, so it's ok to struggle in his first full season. As long as he's ready to be Cy Young when he's 25.

When Rafaela was in Double A some evaluators said he was already MLB Gold Glove worthy, but just needed to refine his swing decisions. That's about where Franklin Arias was going into this season. His hands, arm and quickness rival Boston's best shortstop: Marcelo Mayer. As for the bat, not even Ceddanne had a start like Arias, who leads the entire Eastern League in Batting Average, On Base, Slugging, and thus OPS. Note to Breslow: please don't trade this guy for some all-or-nothing slugging whiffer in his mid-30s... because that's who Arias should be replacing soon.

How many Playa Bowls were consumed for that gain?

Here's the Story, of a man not named Brady... Twins starter is not out of the Sox yet.

A guy on the Twins just hit a pitch over the fence. Are batters allowed to do that?

He should just be thankful Yankees fans like the thugs who mugged Mookie in the World Series can't read, and probably refuse to watch or listen to any Red Sox interviews. But there's a chance some benighted bleacher bums of other teams revisit this incident the next time Duran plays in their parks. They might even razz him from seats at Fenway, bought cheaply in mid-summer from ticket holders who have seen enough.

Then they also suck at longball and shortball. We already know they stink at big and littleball. Humungous and microscopicballs are lies and reveals in other venues for lawfakers, supreme court jesters and media on their payrolls.

True realists know this is the Pessimistic Thread -- it sure ain't Optimistic -- and that the Red Sox are last in the league in stolen bases and last in the league in home runs. They don't play Smallball and they don't play Largeball. No one is going to legally grow muscles overnight that are big enough to hit the ball 50 more feet. But Boston has one sacrifice bunt -- when Narvaez did it on his own -- back on Opening Day. Breslow told the truth when he constructed a roster he said was all about Run Prevention. But his own team's?

The only Sandoval seen in a Red Sox jersey was Biggut, who broke his belt buckle before going back to San Francisco, where he flourished once again when he resumed his diet of sea otters.

Those who think the Red Sox offense is just brutal need only look at the league batting statistics. The Sox don't completely suck, but they are completely average. Boston's team batting average is .231 while the average average in the American League is .232. Seven teams in the AL are better, seven teams are worse. Five Red Sox are basically .300 hitters but seven are in the .100s. Right in the middle is Roman Anthony at .230 -- a completely average hitter who strikes out a ton... but whose 19 Ks are only tied with WiLLson Contreras and WBC teammate Byron Buxton for 22nd in the AL. The difference is that Buxton looks like a total superstar in Minnesota vs. the Sox, who can't get back home fast enough.

I didn't even complain last night. Just changed the channel mid-game to Netflix and a Korean love story. Dialogue was subtitled, but the songs were actually sung in English, which caused me to wonder: do the characters see lyrics in their own language floating around in the sky back home?

Hope when Oviedo returns he's ready to hit homers.

Crochet may have been spoiled during Covid, because no matter how good or bad he pitched, every cardboard fan still looked like they were cheering.

Not to genderflect, but consider the pals of ancient philosphers. The sayings "diamonds are a girl's best friend" and "a dog is a man's best friend" can only be attributed back to baseball. At least, I know several women who love the fact that their men are obsessed with watching baseball while they pursue interests of their own. Meanwhile, nobody but a loyal dog can keep a guy company when the staff ace is getting shelled off the mound by the 2nd inning.

Yes, training Twins to sprint 360 feet. 4 bases X 90 feet = 360... ... dang yo, I just figured out why running around a diamond is called "Circling the bases." Query for math brains: when a good baserunner properly cuts the inside corner of the bags with his left foot and leans towards the mound, how many degrees is the shortest route, home to home? Don't forget to account for the wider first "leg" from home to 1st, when a smart runner veers into foul territory before the coach's box to reduce the angle turning to 2nd... Would a protractor help here? Amateur tractor?

Weak, too weak. CJ Abrams, 25, leads NL shortstops with 5 homers. Brandon Lowe leads all second basemen with 6 HRs. Marte has 4, Donovan 3. Old Max Muncy leads third basemen with 4 bombs. Paredes is tied with Durbin with zero...

The Red Sox losing record in extra innings in the 2020s is always due to SSS. Scarce Sacrifice Skills. In 2021, when Boston's offense was good enough to go deep into the ALCS, the Sox were 11-5 in extra innings. The rest of this decade: 29 wins, 44 losses. That's a .397 winning percentage... or to misquote Meatloaf: two outta five ain't good.

Trying to remember any Red Sox pitchers who were strictly relievers when drafted and made it. Two that were supposedly MLB ready right out of college were Craig Hansen and Cla Meredith... seems like there was another more recently? But most pitching prospects bounce back and forth initially, especially since anyone should be willing to do whatever it takes to get to The Show and stay there. Some even embrace change, like Papelbon, the best closer in Boston history. Last year Tolle was the best starting pitching prospect the Sox have had in a long time. Now, who knows -- Eyanson is already lights out at low A, and he was rated below Early, Witherspoon, Valera and Phillips.

Ober never pitched for Boston before where he could sit in dugouts or bullpens every day and discuss with staff mates how -- if given the chance -- they'd exploit the hole in the swing of each Red Sox batter (this is really who writes the forward in "the book" that pitchers eventually compose on every MLB hitter).

That 9th was the best inning of the season and must have felt even better for Red Sox batters than fans watching it. Are the Sox capable of stringing together six straight singles on a regular basis? Yes -- when facing mediocre relievers like in St. Louis. However, a few singles and an extra-base hit is more reasonable for most clubs that feature some semblance of power. Hopefully, Abreu will be consistent all year, and streaky veterans will contribute again: Story, Rafaela and Duran. We know Contreras is always a threat (in many ways). Other than that... ... and don't count on Anthony to blast 30 to 40 HRs, because trying to do that will just mess him up more. Roman is best when he's driving liners over the shortstop; that's the approach for his return to a .290-.300 batting average. Right now only the White Sox have less extra-base hits than Boston in the AL. The thing is, about half the teams in the league have around the same totals as the Soxes. Hitting is just down in baseball so far, and being a few games out of 1st or a wild card maybe isn't such an illusion.

I was wrong. Juiced baseballs won't help this team. MLB needs to move in the fences -- to the infield grass. The Red Sox still won't hit home runs, because all their contact is weak grounders. But at least they'll hit some off the wall.

Smallsamplesize and all that, but on one of the worst offenses in baseball, Wilyer Abreu leads the American League in WAR, Batting Average, Hits and Total Bases. I see he's batting 5th again in Boston's line-up. If the Sox are readjusting the batting order because some guys are slumping, then I have one suggestion: please make sure the best hitter -- in the league -- gets up in the 1st inning. In these days of Mason Miller Time, scoring first is more important than ever...