Suicide Watch

[twodeemo]

SUICIDE WATCH

 

BOSTON (AP)- Gunstore owners and pharmacists were ordered to secure all of their merchandise as a suicide watch for the entire population of Boston was declared by the Governor of Massachusetts. The extraordinary action was taken because of the apparent collapse of the Boston Red Sox. The Sox, who once held a seemingly insurmountable lead over the resurgent New York Yankees are now only a half game ahead of their arch rivals, tied in the loss column with less than two weeks left in the season. Governor Milt Romney is concerned that a kool aide incident could leave the largest city in his state in ruins.

 

"I've seen the effect this kind of choke can have on the City of Boston." Romney said. "You expect a couple of hundred jumpers a year during an average season. But after finally getting the Curse out of the way, I'm afraid they just wont be able to take another Sox choke in September." Mayor Thomas Menino echoed the Governor's concerns.

 

"It's starting already." Menino said. "People are buying large quantities of rope and multiple bottles of Nyquil. I'm afraid this is going to be one of the biggest mass suicides in history." The mayor went on to say that one Boston resident drowned himself in a vat of Chowdah after last night's loss to the Devil Rays. "He just couldnt take it. He tied the shells from fifty cohaugs to his feet and jumped into a vat of Van de Kamp's chowdah. It wasnt pretty." the mayor said.

 

The suicide watch is expected to last until after the upcoming Yankee/Red Sox series at the end of the season. It is anticipated that by the end of that series, the Red Sox will have squandered a chance to play in the post season. Arrangements have been made to bury many of the Red Sox Nation at the ballyard. Tickets for the funeral procession are available at Ticketron or selected mortuaries.

[riverside sluggers]

try posting this on a useless board site like yes network, ass

[twodeemo]

Have a sense of humor. Ass. I respect the Sox and I love Boston. But sometimes, ya just have to lighten up. Oh, and I dont post on YES. Too many asses there.

[yankthis]

Hey give the guy a break.

 

It's the only way he can get his drivel published. He's already spent half of his bicycle courier paycheck on postage to submit his articles to publishers who make more money on recycling crap like this than they make on the publications themselves.

 

Don't quit your day job, twodeemo. And do yourself a favor; sign up for some remedial writing courses.

[twodeemo]

You guys amaze me. Really. PUBLISHED? Perhaps that's what YOU aspire to. I just made it up to screw around with you. I COULD have just said the Red Sox S**K. But since I dont believe that, I thought I'd have some fun with you guys. But you sorry New Englanders just cant get that stick they call Babe Ruth's bat out of your collective butts long enough to laugh at yourselves for a minute. I'd say that's pretty sad.

 

Anyway, congrats on a great year. And good luck in the playoffs. I'm sure the Sox will get in.

[RedSoxRooter]

Classy Yankee fan.

[twodeemo]

Thanks! I love baseball first. And I got NO problem saying that the Sox are...and always have been...a great team. One of my favorite every players was Yaz. And Dewey. Possibly the most underrated outfielder in the history of the game. But hell, sometimes its fun just to yank chain! We, as Yankee and Red Sox fans, have a responsibility to show the rest of the world what baseball is all about. Dont we?

[twodeemo]

Sorry for the double post.

[empirestrikesback26]

The replies don't surprise me. Getting your sense of humor surgically removed is a fad in Boston right now.

[twodeemo]

Hey Emp!!!

[empirestrikesback26]

Hey Emp!!!

Hey two! Back when I was here in Aug. 04, I was the only yankee fan pretty much. Man, how things changed.

[RedSoxRooter]

Hey Yeszir, how about banning Empire and TDM just to make us Sox fans feel better?

 

 

Seriously.

[twodeemo]

Yeah. I think you turned me on to this site. But it was just recently. Hey, I mean no disrespect to anyone. But after what some Sox fans put us through on our boards, I thought I'd drop by to see what was going on. I hope we play Analheiny so I can go to a couple of games out here. I went last year when Schilling pitched against the Angels. (That's the game he hurt his ankle in.) The Sox just KILLED Anaheim last year. It was a freakin' joke almost. Hopefully, we'll have the same shot at them.

[twodeemo]

Come on. Would that REALLY make you feel better? If it does, I truly feel sorry for you. I guess I didnt compliment the team enough. And you for that matter. Sorry.

 

Seriously.

[empirestrikesback26]

Hey Yeszir, how about banning Empire and TDM just to make us Sox fans feel better?

 

 

Seriously.

Ban that "Guardians fan" and the guy who posted that thread rubbing in the win if it would really make you feel that much better.

[schillingouttheks]

Having Empire back is fun. He's not NEARLY as bad as he was.

[yeszir]

This fake news thing is still funnier:

 

BREAKING NEWS: Adam Vinatieri Arrested for Murder!

 

Pittsburgh, PA-After leaving the field following Sunday's Patriots and Steelers contest, Patriots kicker Adam Vinatieri was taken into custody by the Pittsburgh police.

 

"They wouldn't tell me why they took me in," said the Patriots kicker "I just went out there and knocked down another clutch kick, you know, nothing out of the ordinary for me."

 

Pittsburgh police chief Andrew Pargoff said "We can't let people walk into the great city of Pittsburgh, and kill our bandwagon like that, we just can't. Who cares that Antwaan Randle-El turned around and threw the ball at Hines Ward's head during the middle of a play. Mr. Vinatieri killed our bandwagon."

 

Patriots coach Bill Belichik has no plans on bailing the kicker out of jail, and will do what he does best, take players at put them at different positions. Defensive lineman Vince Wilfork will start at kicker next week.

[schillingouttheks]

Wilfork probably can't lift his leg up enough to even kick the ball That IS pretty funny.

[stevece80]

Man, it's too bad the Red Sox didn't win the division and get home field....oh. Well, we ended up with the tougher opponent...well, Chicago might be better bunters....

 

I got nothin'.

[YankeeDoodle]

When the Red Sox are hot, ERs cool down

Study: Traffic in Boston-area emergency rooms slows during key games

 

[AP] BOSTON - When the Red Sox heat up, the ERs cool down.

 

According to a study published Monday in the Annals of Emergency Medicine, traffic in Boston-area emergency rooms significantly slowed during last year’s Red Sox championship games.

 

“I have no idea where the patients go, but they don’t come into the emergency room,” said Dr. Alasdair Conn, the ER chief at Massachusetts General Hospital, which was included in the study.

 

Ben Reis and John Brownstein, researchers at Children’s Hospital Boston, compared Nielsen television ratings with hospital traffic at a half dozen hospitals in metropolitan Boston.

 

They discovered that during the championship games, fans in three of every five households were watching. At the same time, emergency room visits dropped by about 15 percent when compared with trends for ER visits on fall evenings.

 

Doctors and the study’s authors suspect that when the Red Sox are in the playoffs, patients who can defer an ER visit will do so.

 

“The heart attacks, the strokes, they will come no matter what’s going on,” Conn said. “The patient with pneumonia, the patient with an asthma attack will say, ’Maybe I can ride this out at home.”’

[Pinstripe_Pride]

^

[greencocamokiemonster]

Not giving up yet with two of last three at Fenway, but I'm excited about the next few years for Sox. What a great group of young pitching talent..... Papelbon, Hansen, Delcarmen, DiNardo, Lester...

 

Not to mention position players... H. Ramirez, Shoppert, Youk...

 

Sorry Yanking it sters... your Geritol group of over the hill players wouldn't cut it over the next five years. If Cashman is smart, he'll be a goner after this year. Torre too.