Sam: "Come on, Executive VP Committee, there has to be one of you at this entire room-length rectangular card table who can sign us a pitcher who used to be good, before Winter Weekend."
Guy in a tie who's been on the payroll for decades: "Hey, what about Giolito? He sucked last year, so we should be able to get him at really good value -- short-term, bounce-back arm."
Analytical analyzer: "Gave up the most home runs in the AL, so any improvement at all would make Craig look good, too... that is, if Bailey can fix him."
Andrew: "Montgomery's wife's interning near Fenway, studying to be a vet or something -- if we hire her to fix him, maybe Jordan would sign here, too."
Brez: "I glean a different calculus, a transactional transmutation of the traditional three-way tryst... at least fans won't expect surprise litters of puppies."
Papi: "This is our f***ing dog pound."