For the Red Sox:
Clay Buchholz, 6-0, 1.01 ERA
http://cdn.sportsoverdose.com/thumbs/clay-buchholz-11-mlb.jpg
Despite looking uncannily like the gentleman who sits in the cab of his pickup truck at the gas station, spitting tobacco out of the window and tossing Natty Ice cans at passing teenagers, Clay Buchholz has thus far pitched what experts have termed "very well" and amateurs have termed "f***ing awesome". It is not inconceivable that Buchholz, who, I can not stress enough, looks mightily like an Alabaman car mechanic, will go to 7-0 after tonights' game against a lineup that has lost a lot of its' intimidation in the past couple of seasons. But seriously, what a redneck
For the Twins:
Vance Worley, 0-4, 7.22 ERA
http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Vance+Worley+iaKfIJKpaAnm.jpg
Despite looking like an 18-year old who desperately wishes he could grow an actual beard, Vance Worley has pitched...well, actually, he's pitched exactly like that sort of guy. What may be the most disappointing part of this season is that Vance Worley is the perfect name for a time-traveling supervillain or the powerful CEO of an evil pharmaceutical company, who also happens to be a supervillain. Instead, this wonderful name that belongs on a top ten list with Lex Luthor and Dr. Claw is being wasted on a guy who appears to only wear sport-reinforced glasses because the regular ones broke too often when he got beat up in high school by the girls on the chess team. The only danger this man poses to the Boston Red Sox is laughter-induced cramping resulting in DL stints, which shouldn't be an issue now that JD Drew is no longer playing on the team.
So let's do this, boys. Getting swept is never good, but put it behind you and keep moving forward. My birthday is on Thursday and I goddamn well better be still making Gamethreads then.
Let's do to these Twinkies what the economy did to the real ones.
Go Sox!