Youk Of The Nation

CD and Spud are lucky. I've been to a handful of games at Fenway.

754 and you won't convince me otherwise

Aceves is so money. If not for Ells and Pedroia, Aceves would be the MVP this season. He's singlehandedly kept us in probably twenty close games.

JULIO LU-oh wait. Ummm, Ellsbury.

Great. Can you tell me what it says, 'cause I didn't understand it at all.

You mean 2006? I remember that Crisp was supposed to be our new speed threat, and then he ended up playing two games the whole time he was in Boston.

I killed Pedro Martinez and I wear his skin over my clothing to every game. I have a mural that covers one entire side of my house, painted with a mixture of blood painstakingly collected over the course of two years from Dustin Pedroia while he slept. Through a complicated series of events involving the blackmail of a Catholic priest, thirteen thousand dollars worth of Russian currency, and the ambiguity of law on international waters, I am technically married to Ted William's severed and frozen head. I am permanently banned from the premises at Yankee Stadium, Camden Yards, Rogers Centre, and Tropicana Field due to some archaic and frankly ridiculous "Geneva Convention" thing about land mines And finally, I used a branding iron in the shape of a Red Sox logo to show my support for the team. However, as one brand is never enough, and too many burns risk infection, there is now a permanently traumatized and hilariously decorated class of kindergarteners wandering around Connecticut... In conclusion, I'm pretty hardcore.

Well, my wedding day anyways. That night would have been glorious.

Awesome. This weeks just keeps getting better and better.

I was, amusingly enough, eating a taco from Taco Bell during the radio call of Ells' homerun. I felt like yelling "TACOOOOBY BELLLLLLLLLLSBURY" and throwing my partially eaten taco in the air in celebration, but I realized that there was no one in the car with me and I would probably look really silly to the other people at the stoplight.

*wistful sigh* That's what a wedding day is really about...

Or if you're catching Wakefield.

I like this. He strikes out a lot, but I still like it. Also, his name is very French sounding, but I still like it.

The 600 club now includes Aaron, Griffey, Mays, Ruth, Thome, and some douches. Congrats to Thome.

By the way, I just got back from seeing a movie. Who is Casper Wells and why does he have a home run?

Originally it was going to be shorter, but I was having fun.

I can see them all sitting at the bar after the game. Pedroia: Dude, dude, let's totally f*** with them...let's...let's...dude, let's go down by 5 runs or some s*** to a f***ing terrible team! Youk: *laughing uncontrollably* YES! Josh, can you, like, give up a lot of runs or something? Beckett: Pfff, sure. Weren't you there in 2008? Lackey: Let's...uh...*hic*...dude, you guys see that chick, I'm...I'm totally gonna nail her Scutaro: Uh, John, that's a karaoke machine. Lackey: Well, f***..uh, f*** you then, ******* *passes out* Ellsbury: So after Josh gives up a bunch of runs we're gonna win, right? Varitek: Naturally. Crawford: Can't we just win normally, score early, or something? Youkilis: What, and miss out on the internet outrage? Every night I come home and read that s***, it's hilarious. Clearly irritated waitress: Here's your drinks, guys. Try to keep it down over here. Crawford: She's pissed Ellsbury: Yeah man, she's mad as hell. Jarrod, why do you insist on making servers write your name on your reciept? Saltalamacchia: It's the most fun I get to have. You should have seen the old lady at Denny's the other night, I swear the vein in her forehead almost popped. Besides, this waitress isn't pissed at me, I'm not the one who tried stuffing those rolls of pennies in her shirt, Jon...Jon? Where did he go? Papelbon, bursting into room through the back door with a dead raccoon clutched in his hand: GUYS I JUST MADE THESE TWO HOBOS FIGHT EACH OTHER FOR TEN BUCKS! COME SEE! WOOOOOOOOOO PAPELBOOOONNNNNNN! *smashes bottle of gold fleck vodka over his own head, grabs nearest woman and licks her face* Lackey: *burps slightly and mumbles* Josh Reddick and David Ortiz, sitting quietly at nearby table with dates: *sigh* Dates: Do you two know those guys? Reddick and Ortiz: *share surreptitious look*: Um...no. Wine?

REDDICK

Maltalasacchia will homer.

I'm going to start a club to oppose the JLDNS club. It's going to be called the AYHD club. (Actually, Yes He Does)

I work 6 days a week. And yet, I'm still in debt. They should add more days to the week so I can make more money.

I was listening to the Yankees radio broadcast while I was working. Sterling and Waldman are awful. Every time Sabathia gave up a HR they kept saying it was 'strange' "It's a strange night" "This is very unusual, Sabathia has a strange line tonight" et cetera. Not once did they say anything like "Sabathia did not pitch well tonight" The best part was, Sterling said over and over that "Sabathia was due for a bad start". Why? Did his last start not qualify as bad?

I wouldn't trade any two guys on the team for a WS this season. Okay, well, any two tradeable guys, anyways. (Not including players no one would want, like McDonald, Drew, Scutaro, et cetera). Mainly because it's the guys on this team who are going to win a WS this season.