Article: Thank You, Jarren Duran

[Brandon Glick]

In "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox," Boston outfielder Jarren Duran opened up about personal traumas.

Content Warning: This story features discussion about self-harm and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health complications or struggles, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States. If you live outside of the US, the International Association for Suicide Prevention and Befrienders Worldwide have contact information for crisis centers around the world.

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As many of you are likely privy to, the Netflix series focusing on the Red Sox is available now. Depending on which news sources you read, you may also be aware that star outfielder Jarren Duran has made the rounds for a personal story he has chosen to share.

Before diving in, I'll say that this is Duran's story, not any of ours. He was brave to share this in such a vulnerable space that he has little control over, and I won't try to pick oranges from the apple tree here. As a survivor of two separate suicide attempts throughout my lifetime, I can say that I know how hard it is to reach a space of mental clarity where you can accurately reflect on these events. There is no right way to go about this — Duran has found the means by which he has chosen to share his story, and for that I am grateful.

Lastly, I will also note that our @Caleb Kohn will have more on the documentary as a whole, as well as Duran's story, later this week. Please stay tuned for that.

In the fourth episode of the documentary, Duran opens up about his journey to the major leagues, describing the journey of becoming a top prospect in baseball. It's a conversation that everyone from prospect gurus to psychologists will find fascinating, but with that status came rapidly increasing expectations. "I remember when I first started struggling, I was like, just send me back down [to the minor leagues],” Duran recalled. “It honestly felt like there was a dark cloud over me, because it’s so easy to look past the positive things for me, and then to grab onto the negative things.”

That last sentence will speak volumes to those who struggle with their own demons. It is an unfortunate facet of depression that individuals seek out the bad, even in good moments. It is an impossible thing to stop, even if you are conscious of the habit. Hearing Duran put it this succinctly was, at least to me, a reminder that this phenomenon is not an individual affliction. It remains the truth that many, many people understand what he is talking about.

“I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every day,” Duran said. “I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me, [it’s not like] I haven’t told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.” When asked what he meant by "here," Duran responded that he meant both in Boston and life.

Duran has plenty more to say about his experiences in the episode, including a very thoughtful explanation about playing through suicidal thoughts. It's enlightening, if only to hear how people who we consider to be "mentally tough" deal with performing through the pain.

Something I think Duran hints at is the idea that these thoughts... don't just go away. Even now, as an All-Star who has found tremendous success in the big leagues, Duran isn't immune to the walls closing in. He acknowledges the need for thick skin as a professional athlete, but the noise from the fans still gets to him; the voice inside him only more so.

I have long been unable to explain the same idea myself, even in my films or books or articles or by any other means. Accepting happiness or achieving success or — insofar as it even exists — finding peace doesn't just banish depression from your mind. It's a part of you. You learn to "play through it" in Duran's parlance.

I vividly remember Drew Robinson's story on ESPN a few years back. It was published at a time when I was going through my own suicidal bout and it took an eerily similar form to my own story. Reading that article was helpful, but not because it reminded me that I wasn't alone or because it was a pro athlete speaking the same I words I thought. It was helpful because I was watching someone else like me make it; not necessarily coming out the "other side," but at least reaching a point where he didn't feel controlled by it any longer.

I have a strong belief that Duran's story will do the same for others. Even if he wasn't a superstar center fielder, that is something worth celebrating.

Alex Cora did a nice job summing it up.

"It takes a person with courage and being okay with being transparent and genuine to do that. I hope that’s how we see it — that he will impact others, and [he'll hopefully go] save lives with what he did on Netflix.”

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[Caleb Kohn]

This was very well put, @Brandon Glick thank you for sharing.