7/20 @ Rangers: A Gallimaufry of Stupidity

[Dutchy]

Internet=serious business

 

If you're a mod, you're supposed to display a tiny bit of objectivity. Not at all the case with Youk.

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

f*** il; delte this s*** tomorowo morning hahahhhha

*caches posts*

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

I've never posted drunk here

 

*roles eyes*

I have.

 

I'd show you if I didn't edit them all afterwards.

[Spudboy]

If you're a mod' date=' you're supposed to display a tiny bit of objectivity. Not at all the case with Youk.[/quote']

 

The Mods here are tolerant. That is important, as you have seen. The Mods are also fans and this is not a Democracy. They can be objective when needed. But subjectivity is what this place is all about.

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

spud fdo you ever get drunk betweeeen church and gfeednig the homelsse??

Lol'd.

[Spudboy]

spud fdo you ever get drunk betweeeen church and gfeednig the homelsse??

 

I get drunk on a regular basis. Especially with little else going on right now.

 

I never go to church. Except for weddings and funerals.

 

I have two homeless people living in my house right now.

[The_Destroyah]

wow, got off the comp for awhile so i thought id look over the GT and all i can say is wow, nothing Online has made me laugh as much since i read Ethan Albright's letter to John Madden if you have never read it read here haha

 

http://www.viperalley.com/forum/anything-goes/48529-letter-john-madden-ethan.html

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

wow, got off the comp for awhile so i thought id look over the GT and all i can say is wow, nothing Online has made me laugh as much since i read Ethan Albright's letter to John Madden if you have never read it read here haha

 

http://www.viperalley.com/forum/anything-goes/48529-letter-john-madden-ethan.html

L.M.M.F.A.O.

[Jacoby_Ellsbury]

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly s*** and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. f***, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of s*** teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

 

This is the funniest s*** I have ever read, anywhere.

[The_Destroyah]

This is the funniest s*** I have ever read' date=' anywhere.[/quote']

 

f***in awesome isnt it? hahahaha

[Spudboy]

Here is the letter.

 

 

 

 

A Letter To John Madden From Ethan Albright

 

An image of excellence.

 

 

To: John Madden

CC: Electronic Arts Sports

From: Ethan Albright

Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

 

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is f***ing ******** and you should kiss my mother-f***ing ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

 

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a f***ing 12. I rate you a f***ing 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

 

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly s*** and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. f***, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of s*** teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

 

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. f***, man, there are some s***** guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

 

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash trough a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

 

Red Alert!

John, you are such a f***ing dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a f***ing zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my f***ing face. f*** that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

 

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). f*** me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

 

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace is has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a f***ing lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass f***wad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

 

When I'm not snapping balls, I snap necks.

f*** you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you f*** with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

 

Rot in Hell,

 

Ethan Albright

[Spudboy]

Here is the letter.

 

 

 

 

A Letter To John Madden From Ethan Albright

 

An image of excellence.

 

 

To: John Madden

CC: Electronic Arts Sports

From: Ethan Albright

Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

 

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is f***ing ******** and you should kiss my mother-f***ing ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

 

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a f***ing 12. I rate you a f***ing 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

 

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly s*** and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. f***, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of s*** teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

 

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. f***, man, there are some s***** guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

 

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash trough a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

 

Red Alert!

John, you are such a f***ing dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a f***ing zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my f***ing face. f*** that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

 

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). f*** me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

 

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace is has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a f***ing lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass f***wad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

 

When I'm not snapping balls, I snap necks.

f*** you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you f*** with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

 

Rot in Hell,

 

Ethan Albright

[The_Destroyah]

You know what' date=' John? Two can play this game. I rate you a f***ing 12. I rate you a f***ing 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.[/quote']

 

this has got to be my favorite part haha...

[092era]

the yankees have played .656 baseball over the last 66 games since ARod came back. Dont fool yourself into thinking they will regress to something too far below this

 

What does that prove? Since June May 31st, the Red Sox have had the best record in baseball.

[Cocos Disciples]

Youk is the worst mod I've ever encountered on any discussion board. How did you guys elect a raging alcoholic the mod? Was he the founder of the site?

 

He also has the power to ban you.

 

Hey, so do I!

[TheKilo]

No, I am FROM Canada. And McGill is the equivalent of Harvard in the states buddy.

 

What state school did you go to?

 

Talk about damning with faint praise.

[a700hitter]

Smoltz after last night's game:

If you looked in the scorebook, if you looked in the paper, you’d think I pitched a bad game again. I’m trying my best to not get frustrated over the results, but they do frustrate me. I felt like the game was well in hand. At the end of the day, it’s six runs. It’s unacceptable.

 

His ego is getting in the way. He needs to acknowledge that he has stunk so far and fast figure out whether he can do better. I expect this kind of statement from Ian kennedy, not John Smoltz. He has been great, so he should know suck when he produces it.

[BoSox21]

He just needs to figure out how to avoid the one bad inning that has been the common theme in his three bad starts

[a700hitter]

He just needs to figure out how to avoid the one bad inning that has been the common theme in his three bad starts

SpudBoy pointed out that he was leaving pitches up earlier in the game, but he wasn't getting hurt. He's got no life on the fastball, so he needs to be perfect.

[Dojji]

Give credit to the Rangers bats for adjusting faster than Smoltz could counter. He was going great so he shouldn't throw what he did out the window, except for what happened in the 6th when they finally got ahold of him.

 

Also, again, credit where it's due, that's exactly what the Rangers offense has been doing to not a few pitchers this year. They might not have much else but they ARE a good offense.

[a700hitter]

Give credit to the Rangers bats for adjusting faster than Smoltz could counter. He was going great so he shouldn't throw what he did out the window, except for what happened in the 6th when they finally got ahold of him.

 

Also, again, credit where it's due, that's exactly what the Rangers offense has been doing to not a few pitchers this year. There's a reason they're ahead of the Angels in the standings right now.

Salty had all of 6 HRs this season and took him out to deep CF. Three HRs in an inning is not merely making an adjustment. They pummeled him, and they should have hit him earlier as he had left a few hangers in earlier innings.

[VA Sox Fan]

Smoltz after last night's game:

 

 

His ego is getting in the way. He needs to acknowledge that he has stunk so far and fast figure out whether he can do better. I expect this kind of statement from Ian kennedy, not John Smoltz. He has been great, so he should know suck when he produces it.

 

From the Globe:

 

"I’m trying my best to not get frustrated over the results, but they do frustrate me because I felt like the game was well in hand.One pitch I’d like to have back, but at the end of the day I gave up six runs. Shake my head, and battle. It’s unacceptable." -- John Smoltz (1-3 with a 6.31 ERA)

....

Seriously, what do you expect him to say?

[Youk Of The Nation]

Wow. Interesting night, huh? Haha. I only remember bits and pieces, but that was the most fun I've had on TalkSox since the TWF Thread.

[Dipre]

Wow. Interesting night' date=' huh? Haha. I only remember bits and pieces, but that was the most fun I've had on TalkSox since the TWF Thread.[/quote']

 

Indeed.

 

44 pages of FAIL.

[Youk Of The Nation]

I deleted about 40 of my posts and I laughed as I read each one.

[a700hitter]

From the Globe:

 

"I’m trying my best to not get frustrated over the results, but they do frustrate me because I felt like the game was well in hand.One pitch I’d like to have back, but at the end of the day I gave up six runs. Shake my head, and battle. It’s unacceptable." -- John Smoltz (1-3 with a 6.31 ERA)

....

Seriously, what do you expect him to say?

He needs to realize that 6 runs didn't happen form one bad pitch. His ego will not let him accept or admit that he stunk. From the same Globe article:

 

I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight,’’ Smoltz said. “I don’t think today was a performance I should have given up six runs.’’

 

The Dude doesn't have a grip on reality. The Sox need to realize fast that he is going to be a waste.

[Spudboy]

Wow. Interesting night' date=' huh? Haha. I only remember bits and pieces, but that was the most fun I've had on TalkSox since the TWF Thread.[/quote']

 

What's the TWF Thread?

 

Welcome back. I hope you feel OK.

[Dipre]

What's the TWF Thread?

 

Welcome back. I hope you feel OK.

 

Three Wife Foulkers.

 

It wasn't that funny for me.

[VA Sox Fan]

He needs to realize that 6 runs didn't happen form one bad pitch. His ego will not let him accept or admit that he stunk. From the same Globe article:

 

 

 

The Dude doesn't have a grip on reality. The Sox need to realize fast that he is going to be a waste.

 

He said the runs he gave up were unacceptable. He got no run support, it's a combination of a team hittng slump and some bad outtings for pitchers since the AS break.

 

So should the Sox just release him after 4 starts? "Well, we've given him enough time, he 'doesn't have a grip on reality'. We've got Beckett, Lester, Wake, Penny, Buch and maybe Dice-K can help out. But in your mind, only Halladay will do.

 

Way to early to panic, but knock yourself out. Your negativity is over-whelming and tiresome.

[Dipre]

He said the runs he gave up were unacceptable. He got no run support, it's a combination of a team hittng slump and some bad outtings for pitchers since the AS break.

 

So should the Sox just release him after 4 starts? "Well, we've given him enough time, he 'doesn't have a grip on reality'. We've got Beckett, Lester, Wake, Penny, Buch and maybe Dice-K can help out. But in your mind, only Halladay will do.

 

Way to early to panic, but knock yourself out. Your negativity is over-whelming and tiresome.

 

Holy s***, VA Sox Fan laying the Smackdown!