5GoldGlovesOF,75

That's ok, a lot of Red Sox employees and fans still do.

The Red Sox' stats are irrefutable. They prove to analytics departments what dumb fans like me watching and coaching amateur baseball have known forever: when you try to hit home runs, you hit less and strike out more. Even Funky Winkerbean knows that.

The organization reportedly has at least one big sign posted somewhere -- minors, Florida, Boston? -- that says: "Hit The Ball In The Air" Now think back to all those years when line drive hitters were all over our lawns. Coaches -- from Little League, high school, college, and pros -- always stressed top-hand dominant swings, to hit down on the ball, because that's what kept heads down and eyes on pitches... ... because batters who instead tried to elevate always got into bad habits like dropping back shoulders, stepping in the bucket, and ultimately taking their eyes off the pitch by yanking their heads too soon to follow the flight of the ball they just got under (or missed). The modern strikeout epidemic isn't just because pitchers got better.

When a team leads the majors in both strikeouts and errors, it stinks. Ks and Es are the two most embarrassing failures on the diamond, immortalized in pop culture from "Casey at the Bat" to Charlie Brown. There's no "it's still early" if you can't catch the ball or hit the ball. That's a personnel issue. It's not like when the temperatures warm up, they'll activate some heat-attracting magnets in glove pockets or bat barrels. Swing-and-miss haunts the Red Sox in the field and batter's box more than any other team. Maybe by summer, Boston players can develop softer hands on defense and harder hits at bat -- but then opponents will also. Some want to blame the manager for not motivating his roster. But what can be more motivating than playing to keep a job? The infielders and outfielders know there are guys in Worcester just as good or better than they are, just waiting for the call...

Of course I made it up, because the last thing we need is for anyone to try to mimic Breslow speaking to the press (sometimes his replies to questions are so drawn out that I think it's intentional -- in order to distract from not giving a literal answer the team doesn't want made public). Brez knows the average attention-span is an endangered species these days. Maybe that's the biggest problem for Cora and his coaches when trying to help younger players improve... and also why the org loves Campbell so much: he listened!

Now that Meidroth is in the majors with an On Base Percentage of 4 THOUSAND (4-for-4, 1 H and 3 BBs), just remember this today when you watch the Red Sox' defense: There's another guy still stuck in Worcester who may be a better all-around infielder than anyone starting for Boston right now. He has sure hands, can play solid to spectacular D at 2B, SS and 3B, and has by far a stronger throwing arm than Campbell, Story and Bregman. He also outhit just about everyone in Fort Myers last month. When is the cutoff date again before clubs can call up homegrown bluechips and retain that coveted extra year of control?

I was rooting for Zavala instead, because at least his throws can reach second base before midnight. So what if Seby can't hit -- just about no one can anyway -- we need a catcher who can catch the pitch and not the hitter's damn bat. The dumb thing -- certainly to an ignoramus like myself -- is that Seby bats righty, and so does Narvaez, but Sabol bats lefty -- and OMG, we can't carry an unbalanced catching duo that both whiff righty.

Cora just has to do better with his cliches after crap losses. Brez sent him a book of quotes from Yale, but this isn't molecular biophysics. Though it may be harder to get the molecules moving when it's 20 degrees with the windchill...

The manager is always an easy target, but he's only playing the team the front office built. Sure, Cora has input of who gets added or subtracted, and obviously who plays where on the field... but are there any better options on this roster? 1B: Casas -- has always had a negative dWAR. 2B: Campbell -- not smooth anywhere yet. Luckily, he's a quick learner... though fans and reporters with World Series predictions should exercise caution, and patience. SS: Story -- stable fielder with an unstable throwing arm. 3B: Bregman -- not the problem: no third baseman has more putouts or assists, or started more DPs, and his range factor leads AL hot corner men. C: Disaster. Narvaez looks the best, but apparently they're not confident in his bat, so they called up Sabol? from Worcester -- obviously the wrong choice; they should've activated Coach Rich Gedman, age 65. OF: the greatest fly chasers in the history of last month -- all have made errors so far... some web gems, too, but these guys at times look disinterested, distracted or probably just frozen immobile (like ballplayers at any level shivering in the winter). P: Red Sox pitchers the past half century have always been required to make errant throws to bases and stumble like their infielders so they don't show up the front office for its team-building. DH: Fact -- no full-time designated hitter has made more Es on D than Raffy Devers.

It's still early... on a Saturday morning. But the Red Sox defense isn't going away. A team that leads the majors in errors isn't going to change unless the roster changes. Breslow tried by acquiring Bregman, but really, the biggest boost to the D was getting Crochet and Chapman -- strikeout pitchers. The rest of Boston's rotation and bullpen pitch to contact. And that's a problem. The Sox lead the majors in double plays turned, but they also lead in chances. AL East Errors: New York 6, Toronto 6, Tampa 7, Baltimore 8... Boston 19.

Meidroth's batting average is a thousand and his OPS is two thousand.

A year ago (before Doctor Drivenline created Kristian Campbell), the baseball world predicted the Big Three prospects next to get promoted to Boston were named Mayer, Anthony and Teel. Of course, only we discerning diehards knew that one of their unheralded minor league teammates -- a guy initially known more for his glove than his bat -- would make the majors before all of them: Chase Meidroth.

It's been mentioned Mayer may have just as many holes in his swing as Story -- or MLB pitchers will find them, and even create new ones. But Mayer's arm is such an upgrade at a key position for a ground ball pitching staff, that he could make the difference in Boston making the playoffs. No infielder on the Sox' current roster has a stronger throwing arm.

If you ask her, that's fine, everything's fine, even if she's caught driving 97 and has to pay a fine fine. On the grading scale, a baseball card or comic book in fine condition is better than very good. But on the marriage scale, husbands know that when things are fine, they're not very good at all.

That could've been his defense -- if he really had supernatural powers, it would only take him an hour, flying by broomstick.

I don't know Chapman, just what I read about some stunts in the past. I sure can't harbor any ill will towards a guy who factored into some Yankees' playoff losses -- tough for them -- or for dissing New York at the end of his time there. Again, too bad; Bronx cheer. As for personal issues, I'm not throwing stones (especially, since he can throw them back twice as hard). All I know is when he signed in Boston, they showed a pic of Chappy with his dog. I'm a dog guy, too, and willing to give him a second or twenty-second chance in Boston. His new teammates are in awe of him, so he's good for the clubhouse chemistry. He's going to blow some games for the Sox because he's human and drive us all crazy, but so far so good.

Before somebody inevitably types a cautionary post about sample sizes, the stats confirm that Clarke actually did this. Good thing Clarke wasn't around 330 years ago, when Salem might have put him on trial for this superhuman debut...

My wife attends ballgames in ridiculous temps with a battery-charged heated jacket, blanket and hand warmers (the size of old computer mice). She's not a kajillionaire like the ballplayers, but if tech exists to keep spectators defrosted, then there must be a way to weave the same radiated coils through batting gloves.

For openers (we're so punny). Where some may see a SSS... ... I make an ASSUMPTION (actual sample: sizing up most posts that intuitively omit nothing).

No need to tell a retired teacher. Why were some students scores always so low (we were constantly asked)? No matter our efforts, some of us couldn't always find solutions to inspire kids to consistently focus on almighty assessments, when they might come to class without proper rest and nutrition from a stressful environment lacking a quiet space where they could study and be safe -- usually a relative's apartment, because parents were either dead, in jail, or just gone.

I know -- it's like Judge's 162-game average over the past decade isn't 197 per year. In Luis Arraez's seven-year career he has 195 strikeouts -- total.

Great stats. They can mean a couple of other things not mentioned: 1. the team hitting the most pitches really far isn't missing them, and 2... what we've all known since Little League or even school recess: those who swing and miss the most kinda sorta aren't as good as those who don't.

I know nothing about Lawson, except he was fired by a team that always hits for power, with Aaron the Giant and a joke porch in rightfield. And with great power comes great whiff ability. But maybe -- and this are just speculations of one discerning old man -- maybe it's harder to launch longballs swinging at pitches that bounce into the opposite batter's box, a foot or more beyond the end of the longest torpedo bat, pole vault stick or telephone pole.

Right. Fans shouldn't expect Red Sox hitting coaches to help their batters make as much contact as the Blue Jays do, in Boston, on a night when they're all frozen popsicles. Fans should expect the Sox to strike out 14 times vs. 4 for last year's division doormat, score 4 runs in three games, and never lead once in the series at Fenway.

It's no fanboy reaction if anybody's read what a lot of us have been concerned about for half a decade. Strikeouts not only suck the life out of rallies -- or even ones that are contrived with a ghost on second -- but they suck the life out of spectators. Watching a bunch of whiffers, year after year, is not entertaining, but a major league drag.