Well madame queen, my point of contention with Fred has alwaysbeen as follows: don't call lifelong Sox fans polyannas, when you didn't become a fan yourself until the rise of pink hat nation.
If someone is a Sox fan in Antartica, good for them. It's probably harder to get NESN up there.
Also, the last time I worse an ass as a hat, it was of a nice booty chick and completely delightful. I've also worn boobs as sunglasses. They really kept me from squinting!