Youk Of The Nation

Even though he owns Ortiz, in this situation he STILL doesn't want to give Ortiz the chance. I love it. Respect.

Oh, wait. Matusz. Never mind. Man, I hate this guy.

I feel a "This is our f***ing city" walkoff home run coming.

If only this was how 4/20 was celebrated two thousand years ago. Jesus might never have been crucified. "Like...what if God was in all of us, man? We'd be killing a part of all of us! I don't wanna kill. Have you ever really looked at your hands?"

Happy Zombie Jesus Day, everyone!

Holt is, at best, middling. However, he's less useless than Roberts was, and absent any other options, I prefer him filling in until Middlebrooks is back. Then he can leave and I don't care whether or not we see him again.

The only reason the Sox would be 10 games below .500 is because ​you made a gamethread, so no.

I had a high school friend, haven't seen the guy in a couple years. He's one of the most intelligent people I've ever known. From the time I met him in freshman year of high school, the only thing he ever wanted to do was be a doctor. When I ran into him last year, he was just starting medical school, five years AFTER graduating high school, because it took him that long to save up enough money to afford to go without having to work four jobs while he attended. As it is, he works two jobs and barely covers everything. He didn't qualify for more than a basic scholarship (which didn't begin to cover any of his costs) because his parents make too much money, despite the fact that their assistance is still not enough to cover a large enough percentage of his expenses. When he is finally a doctor, it will take him years to pay off his debts. But if you're really, really good at playing basketball, you can go to college for free. There are constantly new stories about NCAA violations when schools are caught letting players skate through classes. That's why I hate college sports. Because some guys, many of whom are about as intelligent as your average goldfish, get a free ride through college that they barely appreciate, while people who have the potential to benefit society in so many more important ways have to practically kill themselves working just to scrape enough money to pay the interest on their student loan debts.

Carl Pavano is from Connecticut too. I actually dated a girl who was friends with a girl who was friends with his niece. I'm not sure if any of them know Kevin Bacon though.

I hate college sports in general, and UCONN in particular, only slightly less than the mob hates the Witness Protection Program. Every year, it's all anyone talks about around here, I couldn't give less of a s*** if UCONN wins a game or not, I just want it to be over as quickly as possible.

We should be so lucky. He's left for extended periods before, but he always comes back. Almost everyone does, even I did once.

One of the generally useless guys, Holt, did a good job filling in tonight. Nava looks like he's getting ready to heat up. The Sox had hits or baserunners in almost every inning and were never too far out of it until the end. Sizemore, while not doing much today, looks healthy, and that's a positive every game. Pierzynski is approximately seven billion times better defensively than Salty was, despite the fact that his last name is almost as annoying to spell and also despite the fact that he is almost as much of a giant douche as a literal giant douche. Bogaerts got on base a couple more times. The Sox are only a few games back. I'm sure I could pull out a few more if I put my mind to it. I'm not saying losing doesn't suck, and I do hope they pull everything together soon, but I'm more willing to see the bad and good parts of what's going on the first few weeks of the season, as opposed to others on this forum who seem determined to find the cloud in every silver lining, even during games that the Sox win. If this is still going on in June, I'll be worried. Right now, I'm just frustrated, but I trust Ortiz, Napoli, Pedroia, Lester, Koji, Lackey, Buchholz, Nava, and most of these other guys to pick up the pace before long, because I know they can do it. Honestly, the only thing I hate about the Sox right now is Ryan Roberts, and he's gone.

Strange as it may sound, I had other things to do. I imagine many other people did as well. As for positives, I can list them, but I and a lot of others have been listing them over and over again for the last two weeks, so I'm not sure how much good it will do. However, as my record with employment, women, and alcohol indicates, I'm willing to keep trying long after it's clear that I am getting nowhere: Positive number 1: It's not even May yet, the Sox have more than 140 games in which to make up less than 5 games in the standings Positive number 2: Victorino and Middlebrooks will be back soon, and the Sox will again have the lineup we all envisioned going into the season. The less-than-mediocre backups that have been starting games for them (Herrera, Holt, Roberts) will be relegated to either the minors or the mists of history Positive number 3: The Sox didn't pay the gross domestic product of Luxembourg for Ellsbury, thereby burying themselves under a Crawford-like contract that more than a few people on this site would almost certainly be complaining about in a couple years when his speed starts to catch up with his age Positive number 4: The Sox are defending World Series Champions, a team that will be in contention for the entire season, and we are privileged to be fans of a team that will have that chance Positive number 5: We aren't Cubs fans. I mean, seriously, sometimes I just feel terrible for those guys. I'd buy them all a drink but I'm pretty sure the entirety of Chicago is already drunk at any given time Positive number 6: Lester Positive number 7: Ortiz, Napoli, and Pedroia haven't even warmed up yet, and we all know what they're like when they do Positive number 8: I see several bans of the "Red Sux" variety in the near future, which should boost both the intelligence and the morale of our beloved website.

Aren't there enough threads in which you are burying the team without moving to parts of the forum that have nothing to do with the Sox? Anyways, I originally came in here to ask if anyone knew the record for HBPs without recording an out, because I think Cabral must have at least tied it today.

Yeah, you take him out of water, and he flounders.

Such an action star name, being wasted on such a mediocre minor leaguer.

They really should add a new, official statistical category for botched hit-and-runs. Am I to believe Matt Weiters was actually trying to steal?

Because he has underperformed for the first two and a half weeks of the season, and since he has never done anything else ever, we can safely assume he will continue to underperform until the heat death of the universe.

Excellent game. All other considerations aside, it's always a good thing when Lester pitches like this.

He was also helped out by a goddamn triple play.

Probably not the way you wanted to phrase that joke. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You have got to be kidding me. April isn't even over. I don't think it's time to start dismantling the team quite yet.

Yes, they were created by splicing the DNA of dung beetles and Mark Teixeira.

Lester needs some run support. He looks to be spinning a gem, I'd like to see him get the win instead of a loss or a win for one of our relievers.

I wasn't being serious, I was just saying that he's a really good young pitcher. Sucks for him that he's on a team going nowhere anytime soon.