pruneface

How? Care to elaborate? They got an ace at the deadline and some kick ass hitters are in their roster. If I want an apologist, I'll talk to a white person on an Indian Reservation. Message from Ben Cherington. To Sox fans who are expressing dismay over the team's current travails: GO f*** YOURSELVES! You satiated ingrates who've gone soft the last 11 years can suck it. You remind me of the obese kid being indulged around in a shopping cart at whatever shopping mall fat, stupid Americans happen to frequent. Tons to choose from. Too bad the gluttony's almost over. 3 championships in 10 years. One was an albatross. This after 86 of futility. I met a Yankee fan yesterday and couldn't tell the difference untill he hit more over a head with a pinstriped tomahawk. Yes, I'm gone. Most of you are happy. But I'll still be richer than any of you will ever hope to achieve in you miserable lifetimes. Remember that while you play with other peoples' money and pretend to know s*** you know nothing about. Pretentious SOBs! PS: If it's any consolation, I agree that I should have been fired. I failed. But so what? Since when has baseball reached refugee status? Did I mention you can go f*** yourselves? Sincerely, Ben Cherington. (BTW, go f*** yourselves).

Remember how the telephone distorted conversation? Frequency range only partially overlapped real speech, so people couldn't easily differentiate 'b' and 'd,' hence 'd' as in 'dog,' when spelling out names. Then came the internet. No voice, just script. More abstraction. The effect is enforced retardation. You can't see, you can't hear, you just gotta trust I'm laughing. Sort of like organized religion. Read my suggestions. They'd be awesome, but no way are they serious. I made myself laugh at least. And I had some fun with Red Sox groupies on here. The internet has 'seriously' f***ed with relationships. I try to control that addiction. PS: Why do males get all maudlin in bars near the end of the night? Maybe you can answer that one. When someone prefaces a comment with I love you, but... I get my ******** meter ready. And what's this 'bro' stuff? We homies now? Had each others' backs on da street, keepin' it real - (code for the exact opposite), shared the same booty? Nah, just couple digital blips bumping in space. I miss the old TVs that had static. Chaos is so soothing.

What other options aren't commercial? MLB is a commercial venture, inflated. Got a pin? Make as much dough as possible. Of course. And water's wet. I like my coffee bitter. Who's going to be the first shock jock of MLB? Start a petition for Howard Stern. Lure Donald Trump. Sky's the limit. Americans are ready for debasement. More on the way... Groups and affiliations people make and defend. Some aren't life threatening.

You went back and checked and still got it wrong. You're awesome. Prep means preparation. Before the game. Scully works on scouting reports, player history. Remy and Orsillo hang out with Bacchus. Should invite him up to the booth with them. I like beating dead sheep. You made a guess. Not educated.

More or less completely wrong. Explain how you can be more or less complete in anything and go from there. They should do the pizza type incident more often. Aren't commited enough. Gets people talking. Programming is designed to sell s*** people don't need but end up buying. Nesn could do a better job providing incentive. Have only really hot people kiss and plug a diamond or really ugly people to plug plastic surgery. Got Regrets? Have another beer.

I'm suggesting he start drinking on the job. Improve things. Putting words in my mouth. Try this. Bonus point you come up with an adjective means way past pathetic. Start with pathos, go from there. Much admired in classical culture. How you know remy's better at his job? Got any proof? Don't need a helmet when you ride. Saves on expenses.

I agree. Not hardly.

It amazed me how Patrick Stewart made playing a frenchman on STNG work without any effort to sound french. Lack of effort paid off. Same can't be said for Remy and Orsillo.

That's awesome. Visiting other mlb fan websites, here's what they had to say 'bout their announcers: "As others have said, if you live outside the [insert team here] viewing area, you get the "privilege" of watching other teams' announcers. Some people have no idea how bad it gets. Aside from Scully, [insert names here] are the best."

They're popular. 1/2 ain't bad. Don't think they're good enough. NESN isn't playing to their strengths. Unstated goal is to distract fans from the game, get attention on themselves and plug products. No problem. Give 'em both toy bazookas to shower the crowd with free gifts - bobbleheads, balled up t-shirts, dunkin' donuts, used game worn underwear, you name it. Orsillo likes food more than baseball? Okay, have him host an in-game cooking show. Invite famous chefs to instruct as Orsillo learns the finer points of culinary arts. Put up a split screen. Then have him test the food. The more exotic, the better. Sauteed cow testicles with a jujube glaze. Pablo could join the fun in between innings and lose weight running up and down to get back into position. Will he make it in time? The suspense would be intolerable. Remy got an affinity for alcohol? Have him chug a beer during the 7th inning stretch. Fans can join in. Increase beer sales. Sponsors would love it. Then, throw the empty bottle out of the booth. The lucky fan gets bonked on the head receives a free Remdawg T-shirt. Plugging two products in one go. Could even plug the hospital they send the fan to. During the game, fans put up cards - instead of a K, a bottle of beer, for each one Remy downs. Increase betting and interest by gambling on which inning Remy passes out. As he gets drunker, watch Remy loosen up, tell us how he really feels about the umps, the errors. That would be worth the price of admission alone. Must see TV. Now that's entertainment.

What's entertaining is subjective. People treat it is a license. If so, then anything goes. Got at least three options. Go highbrow - inform people during the broadcast. Scully does his homework, provides details you'd find in a scouting report, even for the opposition. 'Bout the only prep Remy and Orsillo do is raising a glass or lifting a fork. Scully only does home games and road games in CA. He's pushing 90. Otherwise, the guy'd be pushing up daisies. Go conventional - what NESN is doing. Uninspired and the easiest option. Go lowbrow - appeal to the base. A compromise, I suggest, Substitute a pair of muppets for the other. Fans wouldn't miss a beat.

That's the problem. Scully isn't the gold standard, but the exception. He got where he was by honing his craft. Guys like Remy and Orsillo s*** on it. Got a declining culture, get s***** broadcasters. The Jays crew does a good job. They're sober, (no pun intended, Remy). That's extended to the guys in the truck who put up timely graphics could of come straight out of fangraphs. With NESN, it's a drunken orgy with moments of corporate sponsorship lucidity. Gotta keep the priorities. These guys inspired Twitter. The all about me culture. Often, the NESN broadcasters come before the game. Scully never puts himself first. Hardly ever talks about himself. Talks baseball. Baseball's rich history - surely there's a wealth of material to fill up the time, especially with an historic team like the Sox. But you gotta have someone with an IQ. Not just some sated hedonists. Problem with NESN, they don't go far enough with their brand of vapid entertainment. How about a spanish announcer table alongside the regular team? Cut the boring interviews short they have with the guests up in the booth each game by powerbombing them through the table. Get a guy that can juggle, maybe make cute animals out of balloons. Encourage Remy by installing a fully stocked bar in the booth. Make his commentary more interesting, if not more relevant. Get a guy who can do tricks with his toupee. Have them wear face masks, dress up as women, use funny sound effects when there's a gaff on the field. Install a laugh track. Douse each other with flammable liquid and play with a lighter. Put a couch up there. Erect a strip club dancer pole and see what happens. Have a live feed on the booth in a little corner of the screen the whole game long and do stunts inspired by the movie jackass. Film the athletes getting surgery and air clips during the game with surgeon's commentary. Get inspired NESN. Be innovative.

Fire Remy, too, I might watch a NESN game without the mute button. Close your eyes instead, imagine you're watching The View. Or listen to Vin Scully, see how baseball coverage could be done in a parallel universe where player history, facts, stats, and other facets of baseball are covered without missing a single play . No s***, folks, it really is possible. The man is a master and adds layers of depth to the broadcast. For many, baseball is a soap opera, hence the appeal of Remy or Orsillo talking about what they ate last night or what they bought shopping. Broadcasters become first ladies, prima donnas in the solipsistic world of 24/7 social applications. Couple of fat hens gossiping. Makes you feel like they're your lovable, good for nothing, lazy (but nice, so NICE!) neighbors/friends/relatives sitting on the couch drinking your beer; that's the appeal, I guess. Or just plain familiarity. What a ringing endorsement! Clowns. They should dress like one during the broadcast as they skip over whole outs or even whole innings. But they never forget to plug the sponsors. Good company men. Orsillo stood for the average fat slob living the consumer lifestyle hitting the jack pot. Sitting on his ass and getting paid for it. Now the dream is over. Robot umps? NESN should be the first network to experiment with robot broadcasters. It'd be an improvement. I sometimes wonder if Remy isn't a drunk robot with his commentary. He does color? He does instant replay. Even blind people are complaining he's too obvious. In Canada, a famed broadcaster was fired and subsequently returned to his position after mass public protest. It can be done if enough fans really think Orsillo is important. I'd suggest putting effort into cloning Scully before he dies as a more worthwhile pursuit. Just like his predecessors, you'll get used to Orsillo being gone, forget his name and gradually accept the next guy. No explanation needed. The elites hold the masses in disdain and maybe they got a point. Rapid reaction = little to no thought. All this assumes the normal workings of society, which should not be taken for granted. Then again, watching this year's FO is like waiting impatiently for the lab rat to notice the blinking red button that administers food. They'll learn what is obvious but it takes so much damn time. Red Sox suck.

Greetings fellow baseball fanatics. It has come to my attention that the St. Louis Cardinals are under suspicion of certain illegal activities that the NSA engages in on a regular basis. Such activities are illegal only for those who don’t write the rules. No longer! While it is too early to speculate on whether the Cards were involved with personal computers, decryption software, photos of player’s wives, and vaseline, it is not too early to begin considering measures to improve baseball’s cutting edge (sponsored by Gillette) spirit of innovation and competitiveness. The following implementations will enhance baseball’s peerless entertainment value. Henceforth, all hacking activities will be openly encouraged and considered a creative means of advantage. They will foster more open discussion between parties and improve 'listening' skills. Corollaries such as blackmail and coercion will enlarge the tools teams have at their disposal. Winning at all costs is honest and drive-directed; once acknowledged, the opportunities for hypocrisy and dishonesty diminish. For this reason, all teams will be required to have their own substance enhancing facilities complete with shady street dealers and injection booths next to the shower stalls or whirlpool. Pitchers may sport an accessory belt for convenient retrieval of sandpaper, vaseline, tar or whatever their imagination can come up with. MLB is pleased to introduce the latest award because there aren’t enough of them already. The team owner, player, or manager with the most bet winnings in the regular season will be honored with the Pete Rose Bettor Extraordinaire Award, to be handed out at the World Series. Pete Rose will be available all season long to offer tips and guidance on how to maximize one’s gains. We thank him for taking the time to teach the ‘younguns’ how it’s done. Other measures include: Honoring the free market: Teams may also rent a player in a trade to be returned to the original club after the conclusion of the World Series. These players must continue to wear their original uniform while playing for their ‘foster’ team. Speeding up the game: Umpires will be required to carry US Army issue Beretta 9mm pistols and army fatigues. Arguing balls and strikes are now more entertaining than ever. Players may also use their bats as nature intended. The only replays being deployed now will be on shots fired. Speeding up the game part II: Sub-par players will only be afforded 2 strikes. Really s***** players (ref: Sandy Leon) will be designated as automatically out. This decision is borne out by rigorous statistical testing. MLB is still considering whether to replace maple bats with nerf foam. In the interim, MLB advises all fans who are concerned about flying bats to bring a bigger baseball glove with them to the ballpark. Teams may kidnap opposing team players and a) hold them for ransom or force them to play for their team for as long as they can hold onto them. Trades of kidnapped players are permissible. Kidnapped players will play at league minimum during their period of capture, which will elicit much sympathy from the fans. Beheadings/executions: Any death sentences for poor on-field performance should be carried out during pre-game ceremonies. Ground crews need time to erect a gallows, for example. If the method is fast (firing squad), the team may avail themselves of the 7th inning stretch. We trust these measures will meet with the approval of the depraved American public. Now, more than ever, MLB plays by its OWN rules. Rob Manfred.

Pete Abraham 58s Two halfwits run on the field at Fenway. Quite a weekend here. ---------------------------- Some math: Sandoval + Hanley = 1 wit. Farrell + Cherrington = Twit. It was fun to see Security tackling Red Sox players on the field. They need to do that more often. Make the games more interesting.