Jacoby_Ellsbury

Um... no! No! Of course not. Who would do such a thing? Not me!

Something important.

"Wow, look at the ass on that 10 year old!"

I know you guys don't want to keep hearing about packagegate, but I could f***ing kiss the amazon customer service guy who just helped me. The guy's overnighting my replacement when my original order was 2 day shipping, so I'll get it Saturday instead of Monday. I will find this person and I will buy him a beer. It's on my bucket list.

Dont say these words...

I'll get to full scale commenting right after I'm done re-ordering my special parcel from amazon that got lost thanks to that jizzrag driving the large brown truck for a living.

Hey, that fry-o-lator is paying for all our welfares.

A special f*** you to Annabelle Sanchez. Look at him sitting in that dugout blubbering like a ****.

Oh my. I very much like what I see here.

I ordered something off amazon and got guaranteed two-day shipping with it. The guaranteed delivery date being today. I have classes today, so I can't just sit here like a mongoloid and wait for that f***ing driver to finally make his round to my apartment at 6:30PM. Instead of leaving an attempted delivery notice or putting it in my mailbox (it's small enough to fit), like a normal person would do, like deliveries in the past have happened this f***ing asswipe allegedly leaves it lying against my front door. I live in an apartment complex in one of the shadier parts of Austin. Of course there's any number of things that could have gone wrong. Some other deadshit at the UPS office might have turned my address around and it went to a different building. Or maybe the address was fine and Joe Slapdick had no clue what apartment building he was at because he was too busy daydreaming about when he finally gets off from work and gets to go home to his smelly, piss-drenched, semi-boarded up apartment in the meth cooking district and plop down on his rancid tattered couch and drink himself into a stupor until he finally passes out and knocks one more day off his worthless existence, much to my delight. Or maybe he left it at the right place but is just a negligent dickhole and just dropped it right in front of my apartment in no man's land (like his delivery report claims he did!), and some opportunist thiefing shitrag saw free merchandise perched right against my defenseless front door, and made the most of it. In which case it goes without saying that I hope that person is skinned alive with a soup spoon and then thrown into a pit of hungry rats. All amazon can do is re-place the order, but only if it's not here by this time tomorrow, and I need the f***ing thing for Friday, so that's not happening now. For some reason I thought UPS customer service would be something other than a catalyst for my homicidal thoughts, because the **** on wheels that answered the phone after twelve rings was a rude little snotrocket that made no greeting, passed the buck, and simply hung up when she thought we were done. So I hope she gets gangraped and eaten by a pack of coyotes too. So yeah. That's what happened. I was hoping to get some sleep after getting back from class but I'm far too incensed for that at the moment. For anyone who's going to tell me to see a therapist, I have been for the past month.

And go F18s!

I hate to spill it over into this thread as well, but if the UPS headquarters were bombed by a series of F18's tomorrow, with all their chimp-brained employees inside the building when it happened, I would be the happiest man on earth.

Sox better be on their guard. Going against Fister after dealing with Verlander, Scherzer, and the super saiyan form of Annabelle Sanchez is a trap game waiting to happen.

Before I caved and got adblock there was all kinds of s*** up there. Ads for penis enlargment showed up regularly.

Sleep mojo worked!

Reminds me of Bosox21. Whatever happened to that guy? Wherever you are, come back.

How many days in a row now have you said your birthday's coming up? This was - maybe still is - my thought, but I will say that Joe Buck's call of Ortiz's grand slam was one of the very few times I've heard him legitimately fired up, during baseball at least. All McCarver cared about was Hunter's tumble over the fence though.

Better be a fast game if I'm going to see all of it.

I said no such thing!

But I never change my underwear...

I'll be sleeping through game 3. Sleep mojo seems to be effective though.

Copy-paste this in response to jacko from now on.

nvm

Leyland pulled a Sam Perlozzo tonight.

Imagine if Orsillo was broadcasting this? His voice would've blown out during the grand slam call.