How am I being a dick exactly?
Explain how Ellsbury stealing 2nd and taking 3rd on a sac fly is something that you could use to justify him being a leadoff hitter? He's already proven that he can't handle the way pitchers treat him in the leadoff spot, and that the way they treat him in his current spot allows him to get on base more, since his sub-par bat isn't getting molested by pitchers pounding the strike zone.
Solution: bat him 9th, best of both worlds... he can get the more Ellsbury-friendly pitch treatment, and having guys like Drew and Youk (with their OBPs) follow him up can help move him into scoring position, where his speed then, and only then, becomes a huge asset.